GENESIS
CHAPTER 1
IN THE BEGINNING, GOD CREATED HOBOS (BECAUSE HE WANTED SOMEONE TO GO NIGHTCLUBBING WITH), THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH. THE EARTH WAS FACELESS, FORMELESS AND GANGLESS. AND GOD SAID, “WOW, DARKNESS IS SHIT.” SO HE CREATED CLUB-LIGHT, OTHEWRWISE KNOWN AS THE SUN. AND SO THE FIRST DAY WAS CREATED.
ON THE SECOND DAY, GOD WAS LIKE, “WOW, I REALLY NEED SOME CAFFEINE-INFUSED CRAP.” SO HE CREATED GABE’S GEMUTLICH GARAGE, MANNED BY HIS HOMIE, GABE, HIMSELF. THIS COSY CAFÉ/WEED SPOT IS OTHERWISE KNOWN AS HEAVEN.
ON THE THIRD DAY, GOD SAID TO HIS HOBOS, “WANNA BUST SOME MOVES, BROS? “AND THEY SAID, “YOU GOT IT, G-DOGG!” AND SO GOD CREATED LAND FOR HIS DANCE FLOOR, AND HE BUSTED OUT DAT SWAG LIKE A GARBAGE TRUCK BACKING UP. (AND MAY I JUST SAY, HIS HOMIE’S BEAT BOXING WAS ON POINT.)
ON THE FOURTH DAY, GOD WAS JUST LIKE, "WOW, BEING ALONE IS SHIT. I WANT SOMETHING TO STROKE/WATCH WHEN MA HOMIES ARE WASTED LIKE A GUTTER YO." SO HE CREATED ANIMALS AND FISH AND ALL DAT OTHER STUFF STUPID SCIENTIST HOBOS LIKE EINSTEIN GO ON ABOUT THAT ARE LIVING AND SWAGGING WITH THEIR GANG AND MRS GREN. (BTW WE PICTURE MRS GREN AS AN OLD MUGGER GANGSTA GRANNY WITH A SHOTGUN AND CRAZY HAIR SCREAMING, "HAND OVER THE CASH OR I WILL TORMENT YOU WITH ANTS AND SCIENCE DEFINITIONS.")
SO YEAH. BUT ANYWAYS, GOD CREATED ALL THESE THINGS AND WAS SO STUNNED BY HIS OWN AWESOMENESS HE FELL SO HEAVILY ASLEEP HE WAS LIKE A ROCK FALLING OFF A CLIFF AFTER BEING SHOVED BY A CRAZED GOAT.
WHEN GOD WOKE UP HE THOUGHT WHAT A BORING PLACE THIS WORLD IS WITHOUT PEOPLE LIKE TRUMP AND PUTIN RIDING ON SHARKS, SCORING HOLES-IN-ONE LIKE THE HOLES R INSIGNIFICANT FACES AND THE BALL IS A NOSE WHICH SPIKES THOSE FACES WITH ONE SWIFT STAB AND IS STILL PRIMED FOR MORE, THREATENING TO BLOW UP THE WORLD AND GENERALLY BEING BADASS AS SATAN'S TANK. SO SHORTLY AFTER JESUS GOT RUN OVER BY A TRUCK AFTER CREATING THE ATOM BOMB IN WORLD WAR 2, GOD CREATED THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. THEN HE CREATED PEOPLE BECAUSE GOD IS TOO BADASS AND ENLIGHTENED TO EVEN. GOD BLESS OBAMA.
BY THIS TIME GOD WAS LIKE, "SHIT I HAVE WORKED HARD. I NEED TO GET WASTED." SO HE HEADED DOWN TO GABE’S CAFÉ, BUSTED OUT SOME BLINDINGLY RADIANT MOVES LIKE ONLY GOD DOES, AND SHIT WENT DOWN FOR REAL.
AND THEN HE SLEPT FOR AGES.
RIGHT THATS ABOUT 7 DAYS.
AS U CAN SEE, WITHOUT GOD AND GABE OUR LIVES WOULD BE PRETTY SHIT. IN FACT, WITHOUT GOD AND GABE’S MOTIVATION/ALCOHOL, WE WOULD ALL NOT EXIST. SO I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY, GABE U ROCK AND MRS GREN KEEP ON MUGGING.
IF U WANT MORE INSPIRATIONAL HYMNS, LOOK UP THE BAND GENESIS. THEY R TRUE TO OUR HEART: HOBOS ON DRUGS WHO LOOK LIKE THIS:
CHAPTER 1
IN THE BEGINNING, GOD CREATED HOBOS (BECAUSE HE WANTED SOMEONE TO GO NIGHTCLUBBING WITH), THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH. THE EARTH WAS FACELESS, FORMELESS AND GANGLESS. AND GOD SAID, “WOW, DARKNESS IS SHIT.” SO HE CREATED CLUB-LIGHT, OTHEWRWISE KNOWN AS THE SUN. AND SO THE FIRST DAY WAS CREATED.
ON THE SECOND DAY, GOD WAS LIKE, “WOW, I REALLY NEED SOME CAFFEINE-INFUSED CRAP.” SO HE CREATED GABE’S GEMUTLICH GARAGE, MANNED BY HIS HOMIE, GABE, HIMSELF. THIS COSY CAFÉ/WEED SPOT IS OTHERWISE KNOWN AS HEAVEN.
ON THE THIRD DAY, GOD SAID TO HIS HOBOS, “WANNA BUST SOME MOVES, BROS? “AND THEY SAID, “YOU GOT IT, G-DOGG!” AND SO GOD CREATED LAND FOR HIS DANCE FLOOR, AND HE BUSTED OUT DAT SWAG LIKE A GARBAGE TRUCK BACKING UP. (AND MAY I JUST SAY, HIS HOMIE’S BEAT BOXING WAS ON POINT.)
ON THE FOURTH DAY, GOD WAS JUST LIKE, "WOW, BEING ALONE IS SHIT. I WANT SOMETHING TO STROKE/WATCH WHEN MA HOMIES ARE WASTED LIKE A GUTTER YO." SO HE CREATED ANIMALS AND FISH AND ALL DAT OTHER STUFF STUPID SCIENTIST HOBOS LIKE EINSTEIN GO ON ABOUT THAT ARE LIVING AND SWAGGING WITH THEIR GANG AND MRS GREN. (BTW WE PICTURE MRS GREN AS AN OLD MUGGER GANGSTA GRANNY WITH A SHOTGUN AND CRAZY HAIR SCREAMING, "HAND OVER THE CASH OR I WILL TORMENT YOU WITH ANTS AND SCIENCE DEFINITIONS.")
SO YEAH. BUT ANYWAYS, GOD CREATED ALL THESE THINGS AND WAS SO STUNNED BY HIS OWN AWESOMENESS HE FELL SO HEAVILY ASLEEP HE WAS LIKE A ROCK FALLING OFF A CLIFF AFTER BEING SHOVED BY A CRAZED GOAT.
WHEN GOD WOKE UP HE THOUGHT WHAT A BORING PLACE THIS WORLD IS WITHOUT PEOPLE LIKE TRUMP AND PUTIN RIDING ON SHARKS, SCORING HOLES-IN-ONE LIKE THE HOLES R INSIGNIFICANT FACES AND THE BALL IS A NOSE WHICH SPIKES THOSE FACES WITH ONE SWIFT STAB AND IS STILL PRIMED FOR MORE, THREATENING TO BLOW UP THE WORLD AND GENERALLY BEING BADASS AS SATAN'S TANK. SO SHORTLY AFTER JESUS GOT RUN OVER BY A TRUCK AFTER CREATING THE ATOM BOMB IN WORLD WAR 2, GOD CREATED THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. THEN HE CREATED PEOPLE BECAUSE GOD IS TOO BADASS AND ENLIGHTENED TO EVEN. GOD BLESS OBAMA.
BY THIS TIME GOD WAS LIKE, "SHIT I HAVE WORKED HARD. I NEED TO GET WASTED." SO HE HEADED DOWN TO GABE’S CAFÉ, BUSTED OUT SOME BLINDINGLY RADIANT MOVES LIKE ONLY GOD DOES, AND SHIT WENT DOWN FOR REAL.
AND THEN HE SLEPT FOR AGES.
RIGHT THATS ABOUT 7 DAYS.
AS U CAN SEE, WITHOUT GOD AND GABE OUR LIVES WOULD BE PRETTY SHIT. IN FACT, WITHOUT GOD AND GABE’S MOTIVATION/ALCOHOL, WE WOULD ALL NOT EXIST. SO I WOULD JUST LIKE TO SAY, GABE U ROCK AND MRS GREN KEEP ON MUGGING.
IF U WANT MORE INSPIRATIONAL HYMNS, LOOK UP THE BAND GENESIS. THEY R TRUE TO OUR HEART: HOBOS ON DRUGS WHO LOOK LIKE THIS:
OR mc busted.
or THE IDIOT SONG.
or THE IDIOT SONG.
CHAPTER 2
ADAM AND EVE AKA GABE AND MARIJUANA
SO YEH. GABE WAS SITTING WIV HIS HOMEBOY, AKA GOD, DISCUSSING HIS FORLORN SOLITUDE BEHIND THE BAR, BECAUSE HE FELT HE HAD TOO MANY RIBS. GOD THEN EXTRACTED THIS RIB, AND SO MARIJAUNA WAS BORN.
CHAPTER 3
OKAY GUYS
SO ON THE THURD DAY, GOD LOOKED DOWN AT THE ROCKIN EARTH AND THOUGHT 'BRETHREN, GATHER ROUND. WE NEED BATMAN.'
SO HE CREATED PAUL HOLLYWOOD.
AKA BATMAN
AKA GOD
AKA GABE
SO YEAH
THAT'S WHY PAUL HOLLYWOOD NOW DOES THE BAKE OFF.
BECAUSE WHAT'S MORE SKETCHY THAN BAKE OFF
LIKE
STEVEN
IM LOOKING AT YOU
AKA MS DROP
#WHYBENDWHENYOUCANDROP
#AMIRITE
SO YEAH GUYS WE'VE GOT ANOTHER PRINCIPAL
AND SHE'S A CRACKPOT
SHE BE HOSTING HER FIRST ASSEMBLY LIKE "IT'S DOPE TO SEE YOU ALL. MY TOUR GUIDE SAID SHE WAS FAILING AMERICAN HISTORY SO THAT'S WHY WE NEED TO PRIORITISE MENTAL HEALTH OVER FOOTBALL. AND ALSO
HAVENT BRUSHED MY HAIR BUT
FEMINISM
SO YEAH
WHY WORK WHEN YOU CAN TWERK
FREE THE NIP
GIMME A WHOOP IF YOU WANNA BE A PILGRIM'
THEN SHE PASSED OUT
COS SHE BE HANGING IN THE WEED SPOT WITH GABE FOR TOO LONG
ADAM AND EVE AKA GABE AND MARIJUANA
SO YEH. GABE WAS SITTING WIV HIS HOMEBOY, AKA GOD, DISCUSSING HIS FORLORN SOLITUDE BEHIND THE BAR, BECAUSE HE FELT HE HAD TOO MANY RIBS. GOD THEN EXTRACTED THIS RIB, AND SO MARIJAUNA WAS BORN.
CHAPTER 3
OKAY GUYS
SO ON THE THURD DAY, GOD LOOKED DOWN AT THE ROCKIN EARTH AND THOUGHT 'BRETHREN, GATHER ROUND. WE NEED BATMAN.'
SO HE CREATED PAUL HOLLYWOOD.
AKA BATMAN
AKA GOD
AKA GABE
SO YEAH
THAT'S WHY PAUL HOLLYWOOD NOW DOES THE BAKE OFF.
BECAUSE WHAT'S MORE SKETCHY THAN BAKE OFF
LIKE
STEVEN
IM LOOKING AT YOU
AKA MS DROP
#WHYBENDWHENYOUCANDROP
#AMIRITE
SO YEAH GUYS WE'VE GOT ANOTHER PRINCIPAL
AND SHE'S A CRACKPOT
SHE BE HOSTING HER FIRST ASSEMBLY LIKE "IT'S DOPE TO SEE YOU ALL. MY TOUR GUIDE SAID SHE WAS FAILING AMERICAN HISTORY SO THAT'S WHY WE NEED TO PRIORITISE MENTAL HEALTH OVER FOOTBALL. AND ALSO
HAVENT BRUSHED MY HAIR BUT
FEMINISM
SO YEAH
WHY WORK WHEN YOU CAN TWERK
FREE THE NIP
GIMME A WHOOP IF YOU WANNA BE A PILGRIM'
THEN SHE PASSED OUT
COS SHE BE HANGING IN THE WEED SPOT WITH GABE FOR TOO LONG